What tenderness has to say...
Hello love,
I am sitting outside a cafe in California. It is late afternoon. A welcome cool breeze blows my flyaways as the sun dips towards the horizon and smoke hangs in the air from a fire burning many miles away. I have thirty minutes before I pick up my family from the swimming pool and then we’ll wind our way through the “rolling hills of California,” as my little ones fondly say, towards my partner’s childhood home.
When we arrived here, less than a week ago, I was depleted in a way I haven’t been in a while. I had an ear infection in one ear and then a day later the other turned out to be infected as well. Before leaving on this trip I had taken myself to urgent care when the pain was too crippling to deny and my doctor had prescribed antibiotic drops and the rest I’ve been denied myself for the past several weeks.
So this week I’ve prioritized my rest practice. I’ve taken naps, gone to bed early with the sun, and started each day outside on my cushion in the coolness of the morning air with a candle, meditation, and gentle intuitive stretching. Reconnecting with my body and my heart, a practice that seems to slip away so easily when fear replaces trust, but one that I’m finding easier and easier to return as each time I practice my neuropathways get etched deeper into my being, like a well-worn trail from the depths of a canyon all the way to the expansive view from the ridge.
This morning I flipped back through my morning pages to something I wrote on March 25th of this year in response to the internal voice of fear, and I thought I’d share it here with you:
And the tenderness says,
“I hear you,
But I want to have fun.
I want to feel safe.
I want to believe that I am worthy of good things.
I want to feel loved and supported and strong and guided.
I want to feel present.
I want to be here.
I want to let my guard down.
I want to feel it all.
I want to trust that I am strong enough to feel it all.
Strong enough to open my heart.
To believe good things can come naturally to me.
Good things can come with ease.
It is safe to be here now.
To believe that I am strong enough,
Well-resourced and supported enough
To handle whatever challenges come my way.
I want to believe that good things do not cause bad things.
My happiness does not open a doorway to tragedy.
I want to believe that my happiness and joy
Open my heart to feel and embody and connect
With all that is, both the good and the bad.
To believe that;
It is safe to be present.
It is safe to let my guard down.
It is safe to feel joy.
It is safe to care for myself.
It is safe to love myself.
It is safe to support myself.
It is safe to believe in myself,
To trust myself,
To be myself.
It is safe to be me.
I am safe, I am loved, I am enough.”
With that, I would like to say a farewell to August, a month that has been all kinds of things including; expansive, exhausting, rich, uncomfortable, painful, an emotional tornado at times, and also a reminder that I am capable of so much more than my fear would allow me to believe.
And through it all, I’m so grateful to have continued to show up to this space and this practice of devotion to sharing and connecting, even in the many moments when I’ve felt like I’d rather curl up, quit everything, sink to the core of the earth, and hide there forever. (Hah! Almost funny how so very dramatic fear can be!)
Thank you for being here. I am endlessly grateful.
Listening to this playlist as I write today, and anytime I feel the desire to romanticize the mundanity of life through the magic of film scores and instrumental music, which happens to be most times TBH.
This little book. Only just found, but intrigued by the title alone.
Watching the moon grow into her fullness these last few days. A good reminder that it all happens bit by bit in its own time, no need to rush.
I have had the absolute honor and pleasure of holding space in a few coach sessions already, and my how you inspire me. The wisdom within the space that is created when we allow ourselves to be fully seen, unedited, the tenderness of our dreams shared, and the spaces around them explored.
If you’re interested, you can schedule a session here!
Each coaching session is 45-minutes long, held on zoom, and $11/session.
And please feel free to share the link with anyone that you know who may be interested!
These sessions are for anyone who’s looking to create more awareness around a challenge you may be experiencing, a dream that’s been growing in your heart, or anything else that may be coming up for you.
Coaching is not consulting or advice-giving (you know yourself better than anyone after all), but rather it’s a container for opening to what is already within you with the support of someone who can hold space, reflect without judgment, and help you inquire within through powerful questions.
You can find out a bit more about coaching with me here. And if you have any other questions, please reply to this email and ask away!
With endless love and deep gratitude,
Raina
www.findingstillness.one
@findingstillness.one
